dsjklf

uh,

fml

well

Home alone again. I think I hate being alone, but I hate being around people. Its quite confusing. My stomach has been hurting all day. Anyways. So there is this TV show that reminds me a lot of my own life. Oh minus me being a complete hard ass. But yeah, the show has been my life for the last week. I wish I could explain how i felt about everything. But I cant. All i know is that I cant seem to enjoy doing anything I do. I swear I have a calling somewhere. I just don’t know what it is, or where. Well all I can really say is, I fucking hate you Oliver more than I hate anything on this earth. You’re a fucking tool, you were the one that ruined everything for Marissa and Ryan. Don’t let me catch you in real life.

chin up

If i can explain how hard ive been trying to keep my chin up, then all i could say is i have been breaking my neck to keep it up. yes that is a copeland ref. they get me. why does everyone who gets me have to be so far away and so out of reach. i have been trying so hard. sometimes i think she really likes me and i get scared and run away a bit. sometimes i think she hates me and i push her farther. i cant seem to understand why I, Myself, have turned out the way I am. I try so hard to not let anyone down and i let myself down. I try so hard not to let myself down, and in return i let everyone around me down. Its a never ending cycle that just wont stop. If i could cry i think i would have cried enough to flood this entire earth. maybe that wouldnt be so bad, but then i would take out the people i actually do care about. yeah there are only a few. but i do love them with all that i have. i really dont think my best friend gives me enough credit. i try so hard with him and he constantly thinks he is the only one that puts any effort into it. I miss the people i dont see anymore. but i cant seem to hang out with them. ugh, i am completely stuck in the deepest hole ever. and no one. not one single person has been able to help me out, even though there have been more than enough people that have tried. some will get me up a little further to getting out and then something happens and i slip right back down to the bottom. I cant let out my anger in a fashion that is good for anyone. so i bottle it up. and if anyone, i mean anyone turns the cap too fast, too hard then i will blow up in their face. shit sucks. shits weak. fuck me.

I’m like Geodude sometimes.

silkpanties:

I’ll be in an amazing mood, and then I’ll somehow find a way to over think certain aspects of my life and just completely destroy my good mood.

I need to stop self-destructing; it hurts everyone involved and you still never win. >:|

(On the other hand, I do like how I seem to have a video game reference for every occasion in my life!)

story of my life.

fdfkl

Sitting alone. Smoking cigarettes. Sipping on caffeine free pepsi. staring at all the artwork on the wall. listening to some of my favorite music. im okay with it all. been feeling better. just wish things would fall more into place. ive had a few pretty good days lately, but still have a small hole in that thing in my body i call a heart. i owe it all to you. thanks for leaving my life i guess. action. re action. i asked for it. i got it.