chin up
If i can explain how hard ive been trying to keep my chin up, then all i could say is i have been breaking my neck to keep it up. yes that is a copeland ref. they get me. why does everyone who gets me have to be so far away and so out of reach. i have been trying so hard. sometimes i think she really likes me and i get scared and run away a bit. sometimes i think she hates me and i push her farther. i cant seem to understand why I, Myself, have turned out the way I am. I try so hard to not let anyone down and i let myself down. I try so hard not to let myself down, and in return i let everyone around me down. Its a never ending cycle that just wont stop. If i could cry i think i would have cried enough to flood this entire earth. maybe that wouldnt be so bad, but then i would take out the people i actually do care about. yeah there are only a few. but i do love them with all that i have. i really dont think my best friend gives me enough credit. i try so hard with him and he constantly thinks he is the only one that puts any effort into it. I miss the people i dont see anymore. but i cant seem to hang out with them. ugh, i am completely stuck in the deepest hole ever. and no one. not one single person has been able to help me out, even though there have been more than enough people that have tried. some will get me up a little further to getting out and then something happens and i slip right back down to the bottom. I cant let out my anger in a fashion that is good for anyone. so i bottle it up. and if anyone, i mean anyone turns the cap too fast, too hard then i will blow up in their face. shit sucks. shits weak. fuck me.
